Once upon a time —
In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC),
Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.
One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students…?”
“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied. “Before you tell me, I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Test of Three.”
“Test of Three?”
“That’s correct,” Socrates continued. “Before you talk to me about my student let’s take a moment to test what you’re going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”
“No,” the man replied, “actually I just heard about it.”
“All right,” said Socrates. “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?”
“No, on the contrary…”
“So,” Socrates continued, “you want to tell me something bad about him even though you’re not certain it’s true?”
The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, “You may still pass though because there is a third test – the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?”
“No, not really…”
“Well,” concluded Socrates, “if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?”
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How can this story support you?
One of the most common goals I see with clients is that they want to create a more open, productive and responsive environment, in their lives and organizations.
Guess what?
This month’s DARE is to eliminate gossip (aka hearsay, rumors, etc.) in your life and workplace for at least ONE WEEK. (Double dare: make it a whole month.) No kidding, any form of gossip, collusion or making assumptions, ditch it!
Sound silly? I know. Gossip is something we’d all like to think has been left in the good ole days of high school. Yet, it still happens. It happens all the time. Sometimes in obvious active ways, sometimes more passively. We may not like to talk about it. But it happens and it has an impact. So in service of creating clean relationships, open communication and simply happier lives. In service of creating the most open, joyful, productive and responsive environments possible, let’s play with this one. Because imagine the energy and feeling of a gossip free environment where people engage with people directly and focus on helping things go right.
You know what gossip and assumptions generally look like. And, here are 10 things you can start doing TODAY to support yourself (and your team/friends/organization/etc.) Pick the one(s) that resonate most for you:
1. Simply stop. Make a pact with yourself to engage in no more gossip.
2. Make an agreement. Engage your spouse, friends, work team, etc. to not participate in it. (Some companies have even created “no gossip” policies to help with this.) Want extra buy in? Make it fun!
3. See a colleague “going down in flames?” Ask “How can I best support this person right now? How can I help things go right?” Instead of getting involved in the frenzy (even mentally.)
4. Clear assumptions directly with the source of question (vs. making assumptions)
5. Hold and respect confidentiality (Repeating stories or information that should not be repeated is a http://gossipfunda.com/ direct line to gossip central, no good will come of it.)
6. Stick with the facts, just the facts. (No need to interpret or put your “story” into the situation. Interpreting and repeating stories creates drama. Even if not “officially confidential” it’s a sure fire recipe for gossip.)
7. Dare to directly engage. Upset about something? Feel misunderstood, wronged, or even failed? Engage directly with the source of “conflict.” (Instead of going through 3rd party conversations and making stuff up. You can’t possibly know what’s going on for sure until you check in with the other person directly – and you’ll often be surprised at what’s really going on “over there.”)
8. Seek to understand and then to be understood. Hear their point, make sure you understand it, share yours and then work through it together. (Instead of gathering allies to support your point of view in service of making you right and the other wrong.)